I saw my dream tonight
An image I have held cloistered 
Deep within my mind
A hope and dream 
A beacon in darkness 
Brought to light
And it broke me
Because it cannot be mine

I look at the leaking ceiling above me
The broken, bowing floors
The holes in walls, mold and worse 
Styrofoam doors and drafty windows
And the haft-assed fireplace 
Picked from scrap and
Installed one particularly cold winter 
Our sole source of heat
The hot plate and the cracked microwave 
Now on its last leg 
And will soon have to be replaced
Since it's all I have to cook with

And it just kills me
That my son, my greatest blessing
My dearest friend, my life and soul and inspiration 
Has to live here
That this is all I have to offer
Rain water dripping down on his mini couch 

On any other day I'd persevere
Knowing that someday 
The tides would change 
And I'd have my little country house 
My trees, green, air to breath 
A garden, animals, creek
But something about that house just tugged me
And I, who am so used to not having anything
And not very prone to material cravings
Saw something I truly wanted 
So small a cost as far as housing but so out of reach
And it cuts me, brings me to tears

Maybe it's just a blue day
When tears can be shed over anything
But God, how I pray and have begged and pleaded
For safety, for heat, for a real stove 
A safe, sweet little home

Normally I am fine with the wait
Trusting in God and his plan for my fate
But sometimes the waiting is so hard to bare 
And life in the poor house becomes a source of despair.