My World is Full of Darkness

 

 

My world is full of darkness
My heart is full of pain
I can’t see through the mirror
There’s nothing more to gain
Why am I reliving all my past mistakes?
It seems too unfair for me to let you hesitate

Is it time to get my nerve up
To ask for something new
Stop trying to hide and let you get through
The world doesn’t please me
I’m angry and I’m scared
My mind is too open
My heart is too bared

I wonder where my friends are
Were they ever really there?
While in the pinnacle of darkness
It seems they do not care

I handed out my sorrow 
Like presents wrapped with twine
Strung about their necks
The pain they wore was mine
I guess that’s why they left me
And you will too
Let the inevitable happen
Before my heart is ripped in two

I can’t help the way I feel
And neither can you
But I won’t feel it
When these pills follow through

I can’t believe I messed up
By letting someone in
Like a naïve fool
I let you win
But I’m the one to blame
My backwards pride sung to me
And begged me to give in

I should have said no
That day in the woods
My mind said no 
But my body said I should
I knew this would happen
I’m too strange to understand

I don’t comprehend
Or fathom a reason why
You would kiss me
While you tell me a lie
How could you care for me
And tell me that you’re true
When you don’t even want me
Now what do I do?

My life feels so empty
But it’s not because of you
I’m just sad now
And I’ll be better when life is through

My eyes are filled with teardrops
I haven’t had a chance to cry
I need a little more happiness
But it’s only a lie

You know how they told me
Warned me not to feel
Said that you told them
We were not real

I just don’t understand 
How we could be just friends
I wonder if I told you that I found somebody new
Would you care?
Would you choose?
What if he hurt me?
What would you do?

I know that you care for me
And I’m sad you aren’t here
Only haft 
Distance lies between us

I don’t yet know who or what to be
But I feel different
I feel a new facet of me
I guess when it all adds up
I’ll have to let you walk away
I’d don’t really want you to
When you’re with me I feel so safe

I hope someday I find a man
Who looks at me the way you do
A man that wants to take care of me
In all the ways that you do
There will be just one difference
He will have to love me too

Until then I’ll be just fine
In all honesty
I’d rather have you as my friend 
Than my lover 
For as a friend you’d never leave me

Daylight is at its break
I know what that means
You’ll be getting up soon and leaving me
Without wanting or acting with any hopes to return

I didn’t mean to bleed this way
Started out and ended wrong
And now as I lay beside you
I feel the most alone.


Amanda M. Burns 

© Amanda Saylor nee Burns. All rights reserved