I Never Did 

 

He lied to me and told me that he'd call me back

He never did

I was a child then, insecure
I believed him when he said:
-I wanna take you home
-I wanna be your love
- I will be the one to catch you if you fall

He never did

So all alone in a world of shame
I doubt myself
I'm not the same 

I wonder now if I ever really loved
What if what I felt in his touch
Those butterfly tingles
Were just deceptions of the tickle of his finger on my lip

I lived so long loving him, killing me
A few years older, a tiny bit wiser
I'm living again

Then he pops back into my world
My user, abuser, loved and hated 
Such a strange twist of fate

He says he loves me
Not me, my face, my touch
I don't believe he's capable of love

He wronged me, broke and tore me
And it's too late

I'll take what heart he has to give to satisfy some small measure of revenge

I told him to meet me in the bitter cold
He'd make love like we used to, by the house on the hill

He walked 5 miles to meet me
Believing I was still the same naive child
That he could use and abuse me without regard

He waited and waited, pacing in the cold night
Waiting for his easy score to arrive

I never did. 
 

 

 

by Amanda Burns

© Amanda Saylor nee Burns. All rights reserved